I dreamed about you

I dreamed about you last night,
for this morning my pillow
still had an impression
of the outline of your face.

We were on the beach,
for between the sheets on my bed,
I discovered sand by my feet.

We were holding hands,
for my palm was still warm
and my fingers were formed
in the shape of your hand.

In my dream we must have been kissing,
for my lips were moist,
with your accumulated taste in my mouth.

We fell asleep together,
for my back was cold,
and my forequarters still warm with spooning.

In my dream I still wanted to whisper something,
to enclose you with my one final thought,
for on my tongue I discovered three words:
I and Love and You.

Elephant

Large in its grotesque dark silence
… it waits in the room
My attempts to get away …
trapped under sandbags of futility…
Fleeing from it an exercise of the impossible
In silence my fate resigned
For it follows me you see

Even escaping the confines
Of the suffocating...
shrinking walls of my prison
I can count on it to …
remain two steps behind

Stealing away in my shadow
It follows … faithfully …. no …
spitefully … in it’s malice its bound to me
and me to it

And turning around …
almost in recognition of a familiar face
And see nothing …
an empty nothingness protruding from the silence
a familiar entity …
an ominous presence
Yet I do recognize it ...
before the need to embark
on a journey of painful recollection …
I know
… It’s the elephant in the room

It says nothing …
expects nothing to be said in return
It just waits …
patiently .. reminding me …
constantly reminding me

WHAT DO YOU WANT? …
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
Say something …
say anything .. please
… dear jesus
I feel my sobs choke halfway up my throat

Will your resolve weaken
Now that your quest is successful
now that we are alone
Just you and me

No …
Now that I am alone
You see … You don’t count
For its solitude you seek
Its solitude you impose
… On me
And you have become
… my self imposed warden

Oh love of my life
Light of my roadway
You are but a memory
In the darkness that envelops me
And as the night of my existence
... embraces me
I await the breaking dawn that never comes

Had we met sooner
Before I was bound to
This entity
Of sorrow and painful regret
Lurking in the shadows
It sits
And waits
It’s waiting still

Waiting for me to finish my writing
To take the last gulp
Of this bitter cup of heartache
And in its predictability
… It offers me a refill


Copyright Johannes Cloete 2009
All rights reserved

LOVE YOU FOREVER

A mother held her new baby and
very slowly rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The baby grew.  He grew and he grew
and he grew.  He grew until he
was two years old, and he ran all around
the house.  He pulled all the books
off the shelves.  He pulled all the food
out of the refrigerator and he took his
mother’s watch and flushed it down the
toilet.  Sometimes his mother would say,
“This kid is driving me CRAZY!”

But at night time, when that two-year-old
was quiet, she opened the door
to his room, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if he was really asleep she picked
him up and rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The little boy grew.  He grew and he grew
and he grew.  He grew until he was nine
years old.  And he never wanted to come
in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath,
and when grandma visited he always
said bad words.  Sometimes his mother
wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when he was
asleep, the mother quietly opened the
door to his room, crawled across
the floor and looked up over the side of
the bed.  If he was really asleep,
the picked up that nine-year-old boy
and rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And while she rocked him, she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The boy grew.  He grew and he
grew and he grew.  He grew until he was
a teenager.  He had strange friends
and he wore strange clothes and he
listened to strange music.
Sometimes the mother felt like she
Was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager
was asleep, the mother opened the door
to his room, crawled across the
floor and looked up over the side
of the bed.  If he was really asleep she
picked up that great big boy and rocked
him back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

That teenager grew.  He grew and he
grew and he grew.  He grew until
he was a grown-up man.  He left home
and got a house across town.

But sometimes on dark nights
the mother got into her car and drove
across town.

If all the lights in her son’s house
were out, she opened his bedroom
window, crawled across the floor,
and looked up over the side of his bed.
If that great big man was really
asleep she picked him up and rocked
him back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And while she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

Well, that mother, she got older.
She got older and older and older.
One day she called up her son and said,
“You’d better come see me because
I’m very old and sick.”
So her son came to see her.
When he came in the door she tried
to sing the song.  She sang:

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always ...

But she couldn’t finish because she
was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother.
He picked her up and rocked her
back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And he sang this song:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my Mommy you’ll be.

When the son came home that night,
he stood for a long time
at the top of the stairs.

Then he went into the room
where his very new baby daughter
was sleeping.  He picked her up in
his arms and very slowly rocked
her back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And while he rocked her he sang.

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

Robert Munsch 1945

have you ever been in love?

have you ever been in love?
it's scary like a test
you're vulnerable as a dove
it opens your chest

as it opens up your whole heart
someone gets inside you
messing you up from the start
and make you feel blue
distorting all your senses
you build many defenses

you build up a whole suit of armor,
nothing can hurt and your heart imprison
then one stupid person a real charmer
no different from any other stupid person
then wanders into your stupid life
you're no longer free from strife

you give them a piece of you.
they didn't ask for it, it's true
they did something dumb one day
like kiss you or smile at you that way
then your life isn't your own anymore
you're showing your peace the door

love takes hostages
it tears down bridges
it gets inside you from the start
and then begins to eat your heart

it leaves you crying alone in the darkness,
so simple a phrase can make you helpless
like 'maybe we should be just friends'
how can those words make amends
it turns into a splinter of glass
working its way into your heart
It seems the pain won't pass

it hurts,
you're unable to change the station
and its not just in the imagination
and believe me its not just in the mind
it's a soul-hurt, the ache makes you blind

a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain
and now who is there to blame
will you then ... do it again
it's only a matter of when

Copyright 2009
Johannes Cloete
All Rights Reserved

A Lover’s Passion

I blame you not my dear
For the fault was mine I fear
Had I not been made of flesh and bone
And reached up into the sky’s dome
And climbed the higher heights unclimbed yet
As I breathed the fuller air a larger day I met

For in the wilderness of my passion
A better, clearer song I did fashion
And for a freer freedom a torch I lit
Against many wrongs I sent my wit

And scorched these lips of mine
Into kisses that bled for some time
And in the fiercest bright blue light
As you seem like an angel’s sight
As in a paradise of splendor lush and green
A gift from heaven you had surely been

And as I was following this path of mine
Where Dante saw the suns of seven circles shine
And I saw the heavens opening by pure chance
The same as when the Florentine did advance

And the world would have crowned me with fame
But here I am now crownless and without name
And you would find me kneeling at first light of an African dawn
Find me at the entrance of the house of fame for which I was born

And together with the famous and wise I used to often sit
Where the eldest together with the young was equally fit
And there was good fortune bountiful
And their blessings were flowing plentiful
And the famous would look upon me with praise
And with a kiss on my forehead me they did raise
And with their noble affection and charm
They would hug me with outstretched arm

And at springtime when the apple’s blossom
Brushed the beautiful dove’s burnished bosom
And two young lovers in an orchard under a tree would lay
They would have read the story of our love back in the day

Would have read the legend of my passion
Known the bitter secret of my heart
Kissed as we kissed in similar fashion
But never parted as we are fated to part

For the crimson flower of our life
Is eaten by the cankerworm of truth
And no hand can gather up
The fallen withered petals
Of the rose of youth

Yet I am not sorry that I loved you
What else was I supposed to do?
For the hungry teeth of time devour
And the silent-footed years pursue

Rudderless sideways into the hurricane we drift
Without any introduction or warning it’s so swift
And when once the storm of youth is past
Death the silent pilot comes at last

And within the grave there is no pleasure
Where blindworm get fat beyond measure
Where desire shudders into ashes devoid of care
And the tree of passion has no fruit to bear

What else than to love you was I to do?
God’s own mother was less dear than you
And less dear than that glorious moment’s prize
When Aphrodite like a lily from the sea did rise

I lived my poems it's a decision that I have made
And though youth is gone in wasted days I fade
I have found the lover’s crown of leaves and thorn
Far greater than the poet’s crown of laurels borne

my heart, my belief

I pretend there's nothing wrong. But inside I feel the hollow emptiness grow. So I hid my heart in a nest of roses, out of the sun's way, hidden apart. In a bed softer than the soft white snow. Under the roses I hid my heart. Why would it sleep not? Why should my heart be so restless, when never a leaf of the rose-tree stirred?

Lie still, I told my heart, for the wind was quieting down, and mild leaves were muffling the keen sun's rays. Lie still, for the wind on the warm seas dozes, and the wind is more restless yet than you are. Is there a thought in you still stinging as a thorn's wound? Why do the fangs of hope deferred torment you so? Is that what bids the peace of your slumber farewell?

The green land's name that a charm encloses was never mapped in the traveler’s chart. And the sweet fruit that grows on its trees was never sold in the merchant's mart.

In the world of dreams I have chosen my part, to sleep for a season and hear no word of true love's truth or of light love's art.

And I pretend there's nothing wrong. But inside I feel the hollow emptiness grow. And a cloudburst came over me … and I felt my spirit break, for I had lost all of my belief. And realizing my mistake, I whispered a prayer in my heart.

And as through a timeless void, I felt my heart speak to me quietly. I need love … Divine love. Please forgive me, for I understand that I've been blind. Love is what I need to help me know my name. Through the cloudburst came my insight and I felt my spirit fly as if through centuries. And in a flash of lightning I felt my reality. And I realized what it takes.

The message from my heart was plain to see. Make me a promise. Show me how to live. For I know you won't forsake me. I want to believe ... I have to believe

I speak not your name

I speak not, I trace not, I breathe not … your name. For there’s grief in the sound … there’s guilt in the blame. Will I ever be able to feel again? May I hold you one last time? Maybe I will feel something again. Deception leaves a metallic taste ... the untruthfulness is more than I can bear … I can no longer convince myself … when I speak to you, my voice I no longer hear… and it rips me apart. Why am I trying to hold on… when the pain is more than I can bear? Perhaps if I can forgive me … forgive you … forgive us …but the scars wont heal.

How do we play our broken strings? How do we feel something that our hearts won’t allow? How can I continue telling you something that’s not real?

The truth hurts … but lying is worse… the pain of it too much. How can I give anymore … when my love for you is different now? How do we play house in the ruins of us? It’s like running back into the fire, when there’s nothing left to save. It’s like chasing the very last train, when you already know it’s too late.

I speak not, I trace not, I breathe not … your name. For there’s grief in the sound … there’s guilt in the blame. The tear that now burns my cheek reveals the deep thoughts dwelling in the silence of my heart. Thoughts too brief for our passion … too long for our peace. Where are all those hours gone now … will their joy or bitterness ever cease? You may have all the happiness … mine will be the guilt.

Forgive me my dearest .. forsake me if you wish. Your heart is stronger than mine, and no one shall ever break it .. whatever may become of us. For now … the bitterness in this soul I cannot shake .. and our days appear more fleeting now, and our moments more sweet.

One sigh of your sorrow, one look of your love … and I’m captivated .. rewarded … reproached.

The Prophet's Candle

Some came to teach
and others to learn,
We each chose the time
to which we were born.
First to seek and later to find
The Prophet's Candle
now left behind.

So...

I write these words
upon the dawn
That they might rise
with the newborn sun,
And they shall be as a
breath of wind
Silently sung in the
hearts of men.

A Fathers Love

As we gaze into a fathers eyes
We see such love
We stand in awe
At all he is made of

Strong enough to protect us
Yet, gentle enough to heal
His body though tired
Seems to be made out of steel

A fathers love surely
Knows no end
His goal in life
To be our one true friend

He's always giving...
Wanting nothing in return
Through his lessons in life
We often learn

He teaches us to be strong
Loving and kind
Through this...
Secrets treasures, we will find

If we realize that our father
Is always there
Then he is blessed and God has answered
His prayer



By Trish Stinson (c) 2002 ~~ 5/6/2002

What do you dream of, my angel

What do you dream of, my angel?
Do you dream, like me, of happiness?
A place where everything asked is served
And everything deserved,
given?

Do you dream of hope, my angel?



What do you pray for, my angel?

I pray for you.
I pray that you are loved and happy.
For you see, my angel,
I am only human
And cannot repay what you have given me.

So, what do you pray, my angel?
And what do you dream, my angel?
For I hope
there is nothing less you receive.

"Ladywolfspirit" the Alpha

Kahlil Gibran on Love

Kahlil Gibran on Love



When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.



For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.



Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

by Kahlil Gibran (January 6, 1883 – April 10, 1931)
a Lebanese American artist, poet, and writer.