Elephant

Large in its grotesque dark silence
… it waits in the room
My attempts to get away …
trapped under sandbags of futility…
Fleeing from it an exercise of the impossible
In silence my fate resigned
For it follows me you see

Even escaping the confines
Of the suffocating...
shrinking walls of my prison
I can count on it to …
remain two steps behind

Stealing away in my shadow
It follows … faithfully …. no …
spitefully … in it’s malice its bound to me
and me to it

And turning around …
almost in recognition of a familiar face
And see nothing …
an empty nothingness protruding from the silence
a familiar entity …
an ominous presence
Yet I do recognize it ...
before the need to embark
on a journey of painful recollection …
I know
… It’s the elephant in the room

It says nothing …
expects nothing to be said in return
It just waits …
patiently .. reminding me …
constantly reminding me

WHAT DO YOU WANT? …
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
Say something …
say anything .. please
… dear jesus
I feel my sobs choke halfway up my throat

Will your resolve weaken
Now that your quest is successful
now that we are alone
Just you and me

No …
Now that I am alone
You see … You don’t count
For its solitude you seek
Its solitude you impose
… On me
And you have become
… my self imposed warden

Oh love of my life
Light of my roadway
You are but a memory
In the darkness that envelops me
And as the night of my existence
... embraces me
I await the breaking dawn that never comes

Had we met sooner
Before I was bound to
This entity
Of sorrow and painful regret
Lurking in the shadows
It sits
And waits
It’s waiting still

Waiting for me to finish my writing
To take the last gulp
Of this bitter cup of heartache
And in its predictability
… It offers me a refill


Copyright Johannes Cloete 2009
All rights reserved

LOVE YOU FOREVER

A mother held her new baby and
very slowly rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And while she held him, she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The baby grew.  He grew and he grew
and he grew.  He grew until he
was two years old, and he ran all around
the house.  He pulled all the books
off the shelves.  He pulled all the food
out of the refrigerator and he took his
mother’s watch and flushed it down the
toilet.  Sometimes his mother would say,
“This kid is driving me CRAZY!”

But at night time, when that two-year-old
was quiet, she opened the door
to his room, crawled across the floor,
looked up over the side of his bed;
and if he was really asleep she picked
him up and rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The little boy grew.  He grew and he grew
and he grew.  He grew until he was nine
years old.  And he never wanted to come
in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath,
and when grandma visited he always
said bad words.  Sometimes his mother
wanted to sell him to the zoo!

But at night time, when he was
asleep, the mother quietly opened the
door to his room, crawled across
the floor and looked up over the side of
the bed.  If he was really asleep,
the picked up that nine-year-old boy
and rocked him back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And while she rocked him, she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

The boy grew.  He grew and he
grew and he grew.  He grew until he was
a teenager.  He had strange friends
and he wore strange clothes and he
listened to strange music.
Sometimes the mother felt like she
Was in a zoo!

But at night time, when that teenager
was asleep, the mother opened the door
to his room, crawled across the
floor and looked up over the side
of the bed.  If he was really asleep she
picked up that great big boy and rocked
him back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
While she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

That teenager grew.  He grew and he
grew and he grew.  He grew until
he was a grown-up man.  He left home
and got a house across town.

But sometimes on dark nights
the mother got into her car and drove
across town.

If all the lights in her son’s house
were out, she opened his bedroom
window, crawled across the floor,
and looked up over the side of his bed.
If that great big man was really
asleep she picked him up and rocked
him back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And while she rocked him she sang:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

Well, that mother, she got older.
She got older and older and older.
One day she called up her son and said,
“You’d better come see me because
I’m very old and sick.”
So her son came to see her.
When he came in the door she tried
to sing the song.  She sang:

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always ...

But she couldn’t finish because she
was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother.
He picked her up and rocked her
back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And he sang this song:

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my Mommy you’ll be.

When the son came home that night,
he stood for a long time
at the top of the stairs.

Then he went into the room
where his very new baby daughter
was sleeping.  He picked her up in
his arms and very slowly rocked
her back and forth, back and forth,
back and forth.
And while he rocked her he sang.

I’ll  love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.

Robert Munsch 1945

have you ever been in love?

have you ever been in love?
it's scary like a test
you're vulnerable as a dove
it opens your chest

as it opens up your whole heart
someone gets inside you
messing you up from the start
and make you feel blue
distorting all your senses
you build many defenses

you build up a whole suit of armor,
nothing can hurt and your heart imprison
then one stupid person a real charmer
no different from any other stupid person
then wanders into your stupid life
you're no longer free from strife

you give them a piece of you.
they didn't ask for it, it's true
they did something dumb one day
like kiss you or smile at you that way
then your life isn't your own anymore
you're showing your peace the door

love takes hostages
it tears down bridges
it gets inside you from the start
and then begins to eat your heart

it leaves you crying alone in the darkness,
so simple a phrase can make you helpless
like 'maybe we should be just friends'
how can those words make amends
it turns into a splinter of glass
working its way into your heart
It seems the pain won't pass

it hurts,
you're unable to change the station
and its not just in the imagination
and believe me its not just in the mind
it's a soul-hurt, the ache makes you blind

a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain
and now who is there to blame
will you then ... do it again
it's only a matter of when

Copyright 2009
Johannes Cloete
All Rights Reserved

while you are sleeping

The sun still rises before it later fades
after the night still yields its twilight shades
while you are sleeping

Lips will smile and tears will fall
as the world revolves; without pause at all
while you are sleeping

Daily tasks will all resume
as flowers on your chest will bloom
while you are sleeping

Eyes now see, that once were blind
as your friendship you leave behind
while we are weeping

You viewed the world through beautiful eyes
and you've left unable to hear our cries
while you are sleeping

May now your dreams be treasure laced
forgotten, the sorrows you have faced
while you are sleeping

good bye my dearest
good bye my heart

Copyright 2009
Johannes Cloete
All Rights Reserved

Night Night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your neck and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your shoulders and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your chest and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your tummy and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your legs and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
feel it stroke your feet and whisper
Night-night

Here's a magical feather - soft and white
Hold it in your hands now and whisper
Night-night

Spring Time

Hooray!!! Spring is nearly here
My vision I say has gone all monocular
I pretend to only have one eye this time of year
So all I can see is the spring time spectacular

The spectacular is the new season’s fantastic party
Food, drink, music and dancing the night away
I get to dance the night away with my dearest hearty
As usual she will ask me on vacation, and I will say...

Sure ... where shall we go this year?
Somewhere with a nice peaceful hush
Romantic with the sound of the waterfall we hear
Or go on adventure with an adrenalin rush

I don’t mind where we go; it’s a springtime break
It starts the day after the spring time spectacular
Now I’m dreaming of what to take, when BANG! on my desk I awake
My friend says hey, I asked if you knew the meaning of monocular

I belong to you

I became aware of you as I felt my heart glide
I felt your presence the laws of physics I defied
I tried to deny it in my mind but my heart felt it
I’m trying to be calm but my resistance melted
My defenses I thought strong, my feelings secured
Through the cracks I’ve fallen, my heart captured
I’m in a dream world filled with beauty and song
To reality in vain I’ve tried to return for so long

Before my cool runs out I’m trying hard
Only divine intervention can keep me barred
Here I found my chance for winning or learning
To put an end to my hesitation for I’m yearning
For you it’s time to end my resistance
I belong to you lets close the distance

I wonder if your defenses down I’ll pull
To see through my eyes a love that’s full
So cancel your plans and set yourself free
You’ll find a pure love that’s there for me
Of the same large family you and I are part
You deserve the love I’ve stored in my heart

There’s nothing really complicated about it
It’s our fate, I belong to you and I won’t quit
Do you have the need to feel closer too?
A tiny kiss on your neck may convince you

Intently I’m studying myself closely in the mirror
Perhaps I can see what you’ll see once I’m nearer
I’m only an ordinary guy that’s completely fallen in love
And dreaming how your hand will fit mine like a glove
I’m standing so close the mirror’s all fogged
So I just drew a little picture and laughed

What I’m trying to say I’ve been blind
My dearest a better reason I cannot find
To shed my vanities as I’m feeling my complete awakening
And just accept what all along my heart’s been planning

To my hesitation I’m going to put an end
No longer can I wait so these words I send
I belong to you