Elephant

Large in its grotesque dark silence
… it waits in the room
My attempts to get away …
trapped under sandbags of futility…
Fleeing from it an exercise of the impossible
In silence my fate resigned
For it follows me you see

Even escaping the confines
Of the suffocating...
shrinking walls of my prison
I can count on it to …
remain two steps behind

Stealing away in my shadow
It follows … faithfully …. no …
spitefully … in it’s malice its bound to me
and me to it

And turning around …
almost in recognition of a familiar face
And see nothing …
an empty nothingness protruding from the silence
a familiar entity …
an ominous presence
Yet I do recognize it ...
before the need to embark
on a journey of painful recollection …
I know
… It’s the elephant in the room

It says nothing …
expects nothing to be said in return
It just waits …
patiently .. reminding me …
constantly reminding me

WHAT DO YOU WANT? …
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
Say something …
say anything .. please
… dear jesus
I feel my sobs choke halfway up my throat

Will your resolve weaken
Now that your quest is successful
now that we are alone
Just you and me

No …
Now that I am alone
You see … You don’t count
For its solitude you seek
Its solitude you impose
… On me
And you have become
… my self imposed warden

Oh love of my life
Light of my roadway
You are but a memory
In the darkness that envelops me
And as the night of my existence
... embraces me
I await the breaking dawn that never comes

Had we met sooner
Before I was bound to
This entity
Of sorrow and painful regret
Lurking in the shadows
It sits
And waits
It’s waiting still

Waiting for me to finish my writing
To take the last gulp
Of this bitter cup of heartache
And in its predictability
… It offers me a refill


Copyright Johannes Cloete 2009
All rights reserved